Broken promises and turned backs! Why do they sting?
From being cheated by your partner to a friend who has been taking advantage of you, betrayal comes in many forms and it hurts like hell. We all have been betrayed at some point or another, right? So were you able to forgive the person as soon as he/she apologized? How long did you take to finally move on or reconcile with that person?
The fact about betrayals is that it violates our trust, which is the foundation of every relationship. The hurt from when your trust is broken is so profound and complicated that it sometimes surpasses the most devastating loss a person can suffer.
Let us tell you why!
Also, read our article on the psychology of revenge and hate after breakup.
Only the people who matter to us have the power to hurt us. If a neighbour of yours whom you speak to once in a while lies to you about something, you probably won’t bother. But at the same time, if you found out your spouse is hiding something, even if it’s in your mind, you’ll feel hurt. Betrayals are relational and the closer you are to someone, the more agonized you’ll feel over the betrayal.
Betrayals occur out of an individual’s deliberate hurtful behaviour. It may also be a result of the carelessness or personal weakness of the betrayer. No matter what the reason behind the betrayal is, there’s always a choice involved. When you are betrayed, it’s understandable to feel that the choice the betrayer made was wrong and avoidable.
As we mentioned earlier, betrayals are relational and violate our trust. Relationships are fragile and once the foundation of a relationship is shaken, how do you build it back? No amount of apologies or gestures can heal the wounds one gets from a stab in the back. Relationships affected by betrayal are like broken glasses, you can never piece them together again.
Betrayal feels personal. When we are betrayed, we try to find reasons to figure out why it happened. More specifically, why it happened to us? We ponder over, what did we do wrong? Did we actually do something to deserve this kind of treatment? We wonder if we were wrong about trusting that person in the first place. There are so many questions, but no answers. Therefore, we resort to the simplest solution- blaming ourselves.
Oftentimes betrayal comes knocking at our doors totally unexpected. No one expects to be hurt, especially from someone they thought they could trust. Therefore, betrayal leaves us in disbelief and unbelievable pain.
Psychological effects of betrayal are traumatic. It leaves us wondering, will the broken trust ever be restored? Will the wounds heal? Will the anger extinguish? The pain is real!