Juggling between two conflicting arenas – to be in control or give in – you’re wondering what could be the secret to a healthy relationship. At certain points in our lives, we grow impatient with our partners, finding faults on occasion and throwing kindness out of the window.
But is kindness the answer to a healthy relationship?
From leaving the lights on in the bathroom or snoring at night, we often forget the value of kindness in relationships we treasure. And in order to be in control, we react with anger and spark arguments. Sadly, it sinks our boats and because we can’t be happy, sometimes we abandon ship.
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But each of us has the power of choice. We can heal the wounds in our relationship by gentle answers and a sacrificial heart, or choose to strike out in anger and hurt. It’s our opinion that kindness can close all sorts of wounds in relationships. Kindness, in this case, supports the case for the highest good in yourself and your partner.
Kindness means not building walls of withdrawal, resistance or anger.
You’re naturally kind if you’re supporting your partner, showing care and love as much as you can, refraining from judging and refusing to call out who’s to blame.
But if your deepest desire is to shield yourself from getting hurt by building a wall, you’re choosing control. When conflict arises, the wall comes up and it shows. A few manifestations are resistance, anger, withdrawal and judgment. Does it ring a bell?
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Make being kind a habit.
Bring kindness in your relationship in simple ways so you never really have to spend much time thinking about it. A simple keeping of a promise, for instance, is a sign of trust. Kindness also means acknowledging your partner’s other needs (without you in it, sometimes!) and being happy for them.
If you’re clingy out a lack of trust, or never mince your words, it may not be helpful in the long run. To make your partner happier (and trust you more), you must build trust and give it.
Kindness means working on your listening skills, too.
Learn how to listen to your partner to ensure a healthy conversation. Throw the nagging out the window! It does not only hurt your partner’s feelings (like a spear stabbing his heart) but also makes him question, “Does she still love me?”
Let your partner speak and listen attentively. Understand what he’s trying to say and let him explain, ending any heated arguments rather than cursing and manipulating the situation with anger or violence.
Kindness is the key to a healthy relationship. Don’t try to be in control of the situation, but learn how to listen and tell yourself this, “I married this man because of love and that means embracing his flaws, no matter what they are.”
At the end of the day, love wins with kindness in the relationship. Don’t wait until you ask yourself, “Where is the love?” It isn’t there without kindness.
Be generous and considerate of your partner’s feelings. Don’t see negativity if it’s not there.
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