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How to deal with the painful path of divorce

Published on 11 January 2018|
2 min read

Let’s be real; there’s nothing good about divorce.

by Stanley P, Carrybeans

None of us go into a marriage with the thought of wanting to divorce our partner in the future. But sometimes a marriage just doesn’t work, and instead of torturing yourself in a loveless marriage, people choose to separate and go their own ways.

Divorce can be really confusing and messy, especially when you don’t know what to do when you are in such a situation. So, if you’re about to go through a divorce, these pointers will help.


Talk to someone

Credit: Harli Marten

There are two ways people deal with divorce, externalise everything or keep every emotion inside. While it is not wise to play the blame game in regards to your failed marriage, it is also important to talk with someone and let your feelings out. It is okay to feel many emotions all at once.

You could talk to your friends and family or you can go for to a therapist or a support group. Either way, just remember that you don’t have to go through this alone.


Having a prenup may prove useful

Credit: Helloquence

At times, it’s a good idea that you and your partner have a prenuptial agreement sorted out. A prenup is basically a written agreement between a couple entering a marriage regarding the details of how their money and assets divided should they divorce.

It may seem weird to have a document about divorce when both of you are starting life together. However, a prenuptial will make the divorce process flows more smoothly, especially when you and your spouse aren’t really on a good term anymore.


Know your legal rights

Credit: Tim Gouw

One of the most important thing you should know when you are going through a divorce are your legal rights, especially if you don’t have a prenup. In Malaysia, the process of divorce for Muslim and non-Muslims can be quite different.

While a divorce attorney is not mandatory, it is advisable that you get one just to make sure the process works smoothly. Sometimes, highly-charged emotional situations like these can bring the worst out of everyone involved.

Legal fees can run as low as RM3,000 to as high as RM50,000. However, if you feel like you cannot afford the fee, you can opt for legal aid from The Bar Council Legal Aid Center or The Legal Aid Department.



Don’t cause more damage

You definitely don’t want to do something out of spite to your partner, especially when the both of you are going through the divorce in a courtroom. This includes leaving nasty messages or voicemail, or damaging their belongings.

Not only do such actions reflect poorly on you, the judge may also see you in a negative light. This might affect the judge’s decision, including whether you’ll be able to have any custodial rights.

And never should your cause harm to yourself either. If you feeling anxious or  jittery, don’t drown yourself in alcohol or temporary solutions. Instead, go for a short run in the nearby park or indulge in a more productive and natural activity.


Make your children top priority

Credit: debowscyfoto

Divorce can be stressful and difficult for your children. Research shows that children who experience their parents divorcing may suffer from psychological and behavioural problems. However, this doesn’t mean that you should be walking on eggshells around your children. Be honest with them, remind them the divorce is not their fault and try to keep their everyday routine as a way to maintain normality.

As parents of the children, both you and your ex-partner should avoid badmouthing each other. As much as you might dislike your ex-spouse, be civil with each other and work together in raising your children. If you don’t hold custody rights to your children, try to be as present as you can.


Your heart is important

At the end of the day, we don’t like divorce. We hope none of you actually have to follow the tips. But if you do, remember that your circumstances don’t define you. You are still an important, and valued person. You deserve happiness and contentment; the sun will shine again.

Do you have any advice on this topic? Share with us in the comments below.

Maybe it’s not a divorce, but a break-up too can be a heart-shattering moment none of us want to go through. But sometimes a break-up may be just the thing that you need.

Featured Image Credit: Steve Buissinne

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